good-bye again

Good-byes are never fun, never easy, unless it's saying good-bye to someone I don't care for or saying good-bye to a gray hair as I "wash" it away or maybe saying good-bye to a lingering ache or pain. But saying good-bye to your husband as he leaves again to serve our great country, just seems like cruel and unusual punishment, when he just returned 4 months ago.

I know where he's going and what he's doing and it's not an unsafe place, so it's not that I'm concerned about that. It's the physical separation yet again. Yet again me picking up the pieces for our SBG. Me having to watch as her behavior and attitudes have changed for the worse (and me having an "a-ha" moment, realizing the changes occurred after we mentioned daddy was leaving again). How much separation can a nearly 3-year old, very wise for her age, little girl take? Her daddy has already missed out on more than a year of her "time-is-flying-way-too-fast" life.

I think this gets harder for me as I feel like I am being pushed aside (and our SBG) for things beyond my control. I feel helpless and hopeless when I am left to sort out my feelings on my own. I want my husband to hold me and never let me go before he leaves, but he chooses to turn and run as fast as he can.

So here I am at almost 11PM pecking away at my keyboard trying to make some sense out of his departure and waiting impatiently now for an email to let me know he is safely at this destination. I have been up since 4:45AM when he woke up our SBG (her choice)to tell us good-bye. Other than the 30 minute or so snooze I had while laying in bed with my SBG at bedtime tonight.

Hopefully this too shall pass and quickly. I do need to shake the negative feelings I have, so I can celebrate my birthday tomorrow with friends and Sat. with my mom and of course, my SBG will be here every day.