Our Story...

I know not every soldier is going to be in the news or even in a local newspaper, but for some reason it is really bothering me right now that no one knows OUR story. I see stories on the news, online, in newspapers and just saw an article w/ several pictures that were taken at the deployment ceremony for my husband. Not one mention of his name, not one picture of him or our daughter or family. It makes me sad. I feel like when there were only 18 soldiers leaving on this deployment and it is in the paper that ALL of the soldiers should have at least had their name mentioned. I saw 2 pics of little girls and I am just thinking, what about OUR little girl??? She was just celebrating her 2nd b-day when her daddy left. He missed OUR Thanksgiving, OUR 10-year anniversary, OUR Christmas, many birthdays (including siblings, parents, and nephews), OUR Valentine's day, and will be missing OUR St. Patrick's Day, OUR Easter and OUR life! There have been deaths, pregnancies announced, milestones reached (potty training, 2-year molars breaking through, language developments)and 180 days will have passed before he returns. I miss my husband as much as any other woman misses hers. Our daughter misses her daddy as much as any other child misses his/her parent. I guess I am at the point now where I just want him to be home again. I just want our family back. I want to feel his touch, see his smile, hold his hand, kiss him, hug him, and talk to him.

There is no right or wrong way to deal with deployment, just like with grieving a loss or a divorce. I didn't have a guidebook to tell me what to do or how to feel. I just have to feel my way through this darkened, hallway and clear away the cobwebs as I slowly trudge forward one step at a time. There are things in our bedroom that I haven't touched since he left. I hadn't even realized there was a sweatshirt hanging from the closet door on his side of the closet until several weeks after he left. I couldn't bring myself to move it. It's something he put there before he left and I want it to stay that way until he is home and can put it somewhere else (preferably IN the closet (-:).

I will admit I have had very few tears shed since he left. I haven't really allowed myself to "go there". I am in Mommy-mode 24/7 and put my "wife hat" on the shelf the moment he said "good-by", taking it down and putting it on briefly when he is able to make a phone call or send an e-mail or talk to me on Skype. I can't wait to wear my "wife hat" again.